I PLANNED AN INTERNATIONAL TRIP WITHOUT MY HUSBAND. I COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW PEOPLE REACTED

For nearly a decade, I racked my brain on what a solo trip would look like for me: Perhaps I’d visit the palaces in Rajasthan, India, or climb Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.

I dreamed of dining at a table alone in Europe and sipping on a glass of wine while people watching, a la Carrie Bradshaw in “Sex and the City.” I imagined myself, an extrovert, having no social safety net in a foreign country. I wondered what it would feel like to board a plane and know that when I landed, no one dictated my time.

But cost, limited PTO and other responsibilities always resulted in: “Maybe I'll find out next year.” 

Fast forward to November 2023, and the obstacles that had been in my way now seemed like mere speed bumps: I had saved up money, mapped out my PTO and had no big events for the next few months. Plus, it became as clear as the Aegean Sea (hint, hint) where I should go: Athens, Greece. 

I’m Greek on my mother’s side, a cultural identity that has played a key role in my adult life. For years, I'd yearned to connect with any distant relatives we had in Greece, but asking my mom, aunt, cousins — practically anyone I could think of — led to dead ends. At one point, it seemed more likely that I was going to meet Zeus himself. 

Then, I got lucky: One day my mom remembered a letter a Greek cousin had sent her back in the 1990s. Decades later, she found it for me, and I was able to track down her cousin's two sons on LinkedIn. This was a couple years before my solo journey to Greece, but my newfound family members and I made hypothetical plans to meet up one day. Now, the time had come.

I finally took my wheels off the ground and booked my first-ever solo trip to Athens for March 2024, just four months ahead. 

My husband of almost three years, partner of nearly 14, knows my adventurous spirit well (he even promised to fuel it in our vows!) and was elated to see me elated. I extended an invitation for him to join after — yes, after — I booked my flight, but with work, our dog and my plans to see family I’ve never met before all taken into consideration, he politely declined. All he requested was for me to get him a Greek evil eye bracelet, called a mati, in exchange for extra pet-parent duty. 

I kept my solo trip hush-hush from mostly everyone until a few weeks out from my departure. (Ironically enough, when you talk about wanting to do a solo trip, others ask if they can come with you, and I wanted to avoid the awkwardness of telling them no.) Eventually I started telling others — and reminding myself — of the longtime wish I was about to fulfill. 

Then, unexpected turbulence hit. The most common response I got from people wasn’t in the form of excitement or curiosity, as I expected, but rather: “Your husband isn’t coming with you?” 

At first, I was surprised. I was traveling to a city I had visited a few years before, and I was familiar with the area I was staying in. Plus, even though they spoke English there, I knew a bit of Greek to get by, if need be.

I got this exact reaction not once, but several times. Over and over again, people were stunned to learn I was taking an international trip without my husband by my side. When I told some of my family and friends about my plans, they responded with wide eyes, screaming, “Why?” 

Not everyone responded that way, to be clear. And also: I don’t fully blame those who did. Solo travel has only started to gain popularity in the last decade or so, and just recently, there’s been a notable surge in coupled-up folks traveling without their partner. This isn’t specific to those early on in their relationships, either: The Wall Street Journal reported in January that the largest increase in solo travelers is among retired couples, which gives me hope that the stigma around women traveling alone is changing for future generations to come. 

Social media has undoubtedly helped break stereotypes around solo traveling as a woman. On TikTok, the hashtag #solotravel has accumulated over 900,000 posts to date, filled with tips for first-time solo travelers, where to travel and places that are best to avoid (especially helpful for people of color), and vlogs that gives users a glimpse at what their trip could look like. 

When I first booked my flight and accommodations, I used TikTok to crowdsource what other solo travelers did in Athens. But over time, I started cataloging my own feelings ahead of taking my flight of faith — including my candid feedback to responses I received as a married woman traveling alone to Greece. 

I truly believe that some reactions to my solo trip come from a place of genuine concern, but others felt judgmental. I respect couples who share every experience with each other, but that’s just not how my marriage functions.

My husband and I have both our own and shared interests; we enjoy spending time together and on our own; and, speaking on behalf of both of us, we are two individuals who choose to be together not out of need, but out of want. 

As I say in my TikTok video, "We have an amazing marriage, we trust each other, we do our own thing, we do a lot together, and I just find those comments funny because I would be going on my own if I wasn't married. Why does being married always make a difference?"

And so, I went on my five-day solo excursion to Athens, without a care of what others thought. I chose where I went, when I napped, when I ate. I got tipsy while I dined by myself and gazed at the Parthenon. I met other women, many married, who were veteran solo travelers. I got to know my distant relatives over a three-hour dinner of pastitsio, octopus and lamb. And of course, I thoughtfully picked out a mati to bring home to my husband. 

When I got home, I gifted him the bright blue evil eye attached to a black rope, which intentionally matched my own. He cracked a smile as he pulled it over his hand, and we tightened the ends to fit his wrist. Sometimes, I hold mine out near his, imagining the bracelets have some superpower when joined together. And then I remind myself that they do.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com

2024-06-27T15:50:27Z dg43tfdfdgfd